i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
