some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
