wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
