Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
