idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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