we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He better not be in your backpack
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize