she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
50% drunk capacity currently
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
