idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
