i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
