my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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