he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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