Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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