I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
