@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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