went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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