They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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