at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
