dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
