do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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