Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
