I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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