omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
