p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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