I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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