"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
