At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
