I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
