She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize