I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
