Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
