there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
