I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
