I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
