I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
