I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
