Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
last night I used snow as a chaser
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