There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
