TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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