And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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