dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
