turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
