I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
