Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
