Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
