i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
