you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize