I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
