it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
