I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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