peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
