Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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