She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
