He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
