Cold hands, warm shart.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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