ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
