he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
