I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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