it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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