A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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