i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
