Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
