I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We have started to decorate penises.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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