i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Farmville is her only friend.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
